Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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