Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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