so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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