You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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