i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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