closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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