if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
