Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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