I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
