she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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