yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
