Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
