Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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