Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize