She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
