i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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