we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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