Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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