somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
