My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
