I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
