Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize