i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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