Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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