im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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