never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
