One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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