I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
