hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
