apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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