Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
