You're so nebulous sometimes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
