You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
