You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
