he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
