Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
