I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
