I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
