she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
