If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
