God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
