I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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