Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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