It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
