In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
