i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
