I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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