Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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