i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
