Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
