Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
