I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
