Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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