He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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