Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
