my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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