Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
