bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
