that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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