Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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