Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
