My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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