She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
