did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
