i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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