yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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