Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
