i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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