and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
