If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
