Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
