May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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