I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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