she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
