Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
