Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
