My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
