oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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