Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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