and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
