I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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