whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
