please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.