Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
