What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
