If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
