dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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